Monday, November 30, 2009

How To Find Your Soulmate

Some believe that your destiny will bring you to your soul mate like a magnet pulls metal. Your life will create a series of experiences that will lead you almost innocently to that vital part that will make your life complete. Unfortunately, there is no formula for finding your soul mate. We can only prepare ourselves to recognize that special person when we meet him or her. The preparation is really the key to how soon you can find that person.

For this, one must prepare to give oneself away to others and develop a never ending steam of trust within yourself so that you can accept everyone you meet without judgments or fear. Some believe that if one looks deep inside the eyes of another person with complete acceptance and love, one can create new levels of intimacy and spiritual bonding. It is during this quest, where we treat every individual as a potential soul mate, that we will eventually find the one that we are looking for.

Some people confuse this discovery as an endeavor to look for the ultimate romantic partner. Finding your soul mate is a search for wholeness or completion. It may lead to a physical union but it is much beyond mere physical desire. You can feel attracted to many others, but there could only be one person who will fit in perfectly to complete the puzzle of your life.

If you can learn to love unconditionally, abandon yourself to your spiritual desires and accept wholeheartedly the people that God sends in our lives everyday, you will find your soul mate without any doubt.


The Beginning Of a New Relationship


The "Courting Phase" does not refer to the courtship process which precedes a relationship. The courtship process is when you attempt to charm someone into forming a relationship with you. The courting phase, however, is the very beginning of a new relationship itself; just after a successful courtship. In the courting phase, both parties maintain that fascinating charm which they used to attract their partner in the first place. The courting phase is where most broken promises & exaggerate words are said as you are still trying to impress each other. Things like 'I've never felt this way about anyone else before' or 'I think we have something special between us' are said. Although these statements are made with good intentions, they are often inaccurate and are based mainly on feeling as oppose to logic. A couple in the courting phase also tend to be very "playful" with one another and prefer to spend every free moment together. Although not every relationship passes through this courting phase, it happens often enough. Just make sure you are beyond this point before you start taking any serious steps in the relationship.


Saturday, November 28, 2009

List Of Online Dating Tips

There’s a nervousness, thrill, and excitement that occurs when meeting a person for the first time face to face. Yet amongst the thrill, remember to always be on your guard when going out on a date with someone you barely know.
Here are 12 tips on dating safety to help you get started:

1. Arrange to meet him. Don’t let him pick you up from your home.
2. Meet in public places. If possible, double date or go out with a group of people.
3. Go Dutch by paying half of the bill. That way you won’t feel under any obligation to return the favor.

4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment and lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you are doing.
5. Use your own mode of transportation. And leave with a full tank.

6. Don't assume that a man is safe just because he claims to be religious.

7. Don’t let him kn
ow where you live. If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there.

8. Avoid secluded areas such as parks.

9. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven’t met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn’t feel right, then leave immediately.

10. Always let someone else know where you're going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.

11. Give him your cell phone number instead of your home phone number.
12. Always remain alert. Even if you’re having a blast and the chemistry is great, it’s a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you. Dating safely is very important. In the initial stages of dating, you are still getting to know someone you know little about. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you’re creating a better situation for you.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Marriage Can Cure Depression

With apologies to about thousands of stand up comedians, marriage may be the cure for depression, rather than the cause of it. In fact, researchers say, people who experience depression before they get married are the most likely to get emotional health benefits from marriage. Using a depression scale whose scores ranged from zero to 84, the researchers found that the scores of depressed people went down by almost 8 points after marriage, while those who weren't depressed had just under a 2-point drop after marriage. Even the study authors were surprised by their findings. "We thought people who were depressed would be less likely to benefit from marriage than others," said study co-author Kristi Williams, an assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University in Columbus. "We thought depression would put a strain on the marriage." Williams and her co-author, Adrianne Frech, a doctoral student at Ohio State, presented the results of their study August. 13 at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, in Montreal. This research comes on the heels of another study that found that people who never marry had a greater chance of dying early than people who were married. In fact, people who'd never married had an even higher risk of early death than people who were divorced, separated or widowed, suggesting that marriage confers some sort of health benefit, even if it doesn't work out. Using data from the National Survey of Families and Households, the Ohio State researchers gathered information on more than 3,000 people who were single at the start of the study in 1987-88. The survey participants were interviewed again sometime between 1992 and 1994. To assess whether or not people were depressed, they were asked 12 questions, such as how many days in the past week they "felt like they could not shake off the blues, "felt lonely," or "slept restlessly."

About 29 percent were depressed at the start of the study, according to Williams.
During the second part of the study, they gathered information on who had gotten married and reassessed depression. Williams said at that time, 30 percent of those who remained unmarried were depressed, while only 26 percent of those who got married were depressed. The researchers found that those who were depressed seemed to gain the most mental health benefits from getting married, with depressed people enjoying nearly a six-point higher reduction in their depression scores after marriage than non-depressed people. "We actually found the opposite of what we expected. We thought depressed people would be less likely to benefit from marriage because the depression of one spouse can put a strain on the marriage and undermine marital quality," Frech said in a prepared statement. As to why depressed people may enjoy more benefits from matrimony, Williams theorized, "We think that depressed people may have more to gain from the emotional support and close intimate ties that come with marriage." That doesn't mean people who aren't depressed won't have happy marriages, Williams quickly added: "If you start out happy, you don't have as far to go."
The findings don't mean that depressed people should substitute marriage for depression treatment either, she said.
"This was just an average association," said Williams. "We're not saying that depressed individuals should run out and get married." "Clearly, one should not look upon these results as recommending that depressed people should get married," said Dr. Charles Goodstein, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine in New York City. "The likelihood is strong that such a marriage might fall apart." But, he added, these study results suggest that depressed people stand to gain more from marriage. "At the very least, the depressed person gets the sense that there's someone who cares about them." However, Goodstein also pointed out that this particular survey may not accurately assess depression. "Depression is a much more complicated matter than can be diagnosed on a survey. There is such a wide range of what we call depression, and many people can pass through society without being seen as depressed," he said. Williams agreed that the survey used in this study can't be used to diagnose individual depression, but said it was designed to give an estimate of depression in a community population.


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

10 Reasons Why Being Single Is Great

Reason #1: You have a better body.
We have all been there you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years. For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: "Singles look at themselves through the
eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners," says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, "so they’re still ‘working on themselves." In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things.

It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills and get out there and work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework.
You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money including keep it.
Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change and fast. According to a survey by Smart Money magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.” And a marriage that doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.

Reason #5: You have better sex.
Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter.
While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bed mate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two to a bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest seven to eight hours of sleep a night than married couples, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists at the University of Luebeck in Germany, creativity and problem-solving may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study, participants were given a math puzzle; those who’d had eight hours of sleep or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that you’re alert, rested and have that extra brain power edge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed.
Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts if you’re a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues. “Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit men more than women,” says Davis. “For women, there’s more of a loss of self.” And, of course, today’s women often feel like they need to do it all have a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally “female” responsibilities. “People who aren’t married are still investing in themselves,” says Davis. “It’s not selfish it’s giving to yourself, and that’s something married people can learn from single people.”

Reason #8: You have better friendships.
Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA. Here's another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirky alone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable.
Married couples take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like white water rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical and personal borders. “I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love three times and much more,” says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations manager in Boston. “With every place and every person, my world has expanded.”

Reason #10: You know yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
You are a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want and what you don’t. Experts say that bodes well for future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce. “When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth,” explains Chase. “But maturity brings so much, because if you’re able to communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of having a successful marriage.” And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.


Monday, November 23, 2009

How To Date Your Friend

Friendship to Lovers

I do not know about the average heterosexual male, but most of my relationships have been products of friendship. You get close to a woman, spend time with her, and eventually things just develop into more. But how do two people make the transition from friends to dating?
First of all, but people should be on the same page. Friends can become more over time, but if one person is pushing it while the other is unsure, you can ruin both the friendship and the potential relationship. Talking about it should be foremost on your minds, and voicing concerns should be met with careful thought.
Often, when two people transition from friends to dating, they aren’t sure exactly how to act around one another. Once a friendship has been established, with rules attached, breaking those rules can be stressful at first. Even holding hands in public and kissing one another goodbye might seem difficult, if not downright strange.

Usually, however, the discomfort is felt from both sides, which means that the same concerns are often shared. Unless you communicate those concerns, however, they are likely to fester and become too large to handle. Your best bet is to admit that you are feeling uncomfortable with the transition from friends to dating, and try to work through it together.

The extent of the discomfort will likely depend upon how long the two of you have been friends. If you’ve known each other for ten years, for example, your habits and traditions will have been well-established, and as such, harder to change. However, if you’ve only been friends for a few months, the transition from friends to dating will be easier.
Another problem is that friends who become more do not have the luxury of slowly getting to know one another. Friends who start dating are really starting well into the relationship; they already know one another, which might cause them to move too fast.

There’s a lot of pressure on a couple who have known one another for years, but have just begun to develop romantic feelings. The temptation to jump directly into a serious relationship is strong.
My best advice is to behave however feels natural. If you need some time to adjust to the idea, cool things off and simply spend time with one another. Don’t push sex until the both of you are ready, because once you’ve taken that step, you can never take it back. Sex has been known to ruin friendships, and can very easily end yours.

Although you do run the risk of jeopardizing your friendship by taking it to the next level, it will only ruin your friendship if you allow it. People who sincerely like one another and enjoy each other’s company will find a way to make it work, whether or not the relationship lasts. Make a sincere and concentrated effort to remain friends, even while you are dating.
And finally, all successful relationships are based on friendship. Unless you can talk, laugh and commiserate with your partner, the relationship is not as good or as healthy as it could be. Even if you start to date someone right away, you should learn to become friends as well as lovers.


Friday, November 20, 2009

Love Sick On a New Romance

It doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.
The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon. For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation.

Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future.

You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best u can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.

If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool.

The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already.

The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.

Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.

The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done. You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to


How To Rekindle A Long Term Relationship

A happy, long term relationship is great and something we all want. However, even the best and happiest long term relationships can suffer from routine sex.

The sex might be good, but it is not what it used to be nor is it everything that it could be. While you might be content, what you really want is a way to spice things up and turn your good sex life into a fantastic sex life – and keep it that way.

Be Spontaneous

If you want it, do it. I don’t mean drop whatever you are doing and have sex wherever you happen to be when the urge strikes you – that might be inadvisable, particularly if you happen to be in public, or surrounded by children.

Instead, let sex sometimes take priority over other trivial things that you normally would want to get done first. If you can afford the time, be ten minutes late to work because you were having a morning quicky. If you are cleaning up, watching television, or paying bills stop what you are doing, put it out of your mind and give into your desires.

If it can wait – and most often it really can – then let it wait.

Try Something New

This applies to what you do in the bedroom as much as to time spent out of it. Outside of the bedroom try doing something that both of you have never done before. Go sky diving, rock climbing, try new food, take dance lessons, travel. Spending exciting quality time together serves to cement your bond and makes physical intimacy that much more fulfilling.

In the bedroom, spend some time talking candidly about your fantasies, old and new. Try your best not to judge each other so that you can both be as open as possible. At the same time don’t be afraid to say that you are uncomfortable with something, but express this in a non-judgmental way in terms of personal preference rather than a put down.

Don’t say: “Ewww what kind of weirdo would want that? I can’t believe I’ve been dating you for (fill in the blank)!” Try to say: “Interesting, but just not my thing.”

Once you have found something new you both want to try, explore it fully and enjoy!

Dress Up

Once you’ve found someone it’s easy to slack off in terms of your physical appearance. While it’s healthy to be able to be around someone with bad hair in crummy clothes, it’s equally important to take some time every now and again to try.
You might want to wear something sexy to bed, work on toning your body, or get dressed up for a night out on the town.

Compliment Each Other

Pretty much everyone likes to be told they are good-looking. Some are more modest than others but you would be hard pressed to find someone who truly dislikes being told that they are attractive.
Compliments help build self-esteem and a more confident lover will be more likely to try new and exciting things or throw themselves into what they are doing. Also, giving compliments helps both partners feel appreciated, needed and loved. Often, once you have been with someone for a while it is easy to forget to compliment them as often as you used to, the rationale being something along the lines of: “well I told them before and they know it”. It’s always pleasant to be reminded and to be reassured of the fact that your lover feels as attracted to you now as they did on day one.

Teasing & Foreplay

Don’t always get right to it. Sometimes, getting what you want right away can be tremendously satisfying. However, if you are always instantly satisfied, you might begin to take sex and your partner for granted. You will begin to feel entitled and sex will become just something you expect.
In order to prevent this from happening, or remedy it once it has, build up to the moment. Tease each other throughout the day. Express desire without immediately fulfilling it. Once you have each other alone, cuddle, kiss and make out for as long as you can before actually getting down to business.

Forget About the Bed

This pretty much means have sex anywhere but on your bed. Try the floor, a chair, the kitchen table, the shower, or if you are feeling particularly risqué, do it outside. I’ve heard some pretty bizarre locations mentioned, among them: the mall after hours, a tree in a field, on a building, a forest and a golf course at night. It’s not necessary to go quite so extreme; the main point is to explore intimacy in a location that you would not normally.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Love & Lust The Different

Lust is always mistaken as love. Lust is passion. Lust is desire. Lust is therefore not love. It can be difficult for the inexperienced to distinguish between the two emotions. Especially, in the beginning of a relationship when sexual feelings are stronger.

Love is the emotional attachment in a relationship. Love is the sincere feeling of affection and devotion that you have for your partner. It is a deep, profound, and pure emotion that does not sway easily. Love is an emotion that can take years to build up and can only be felt for someone you hold dear.

And then there is lust. Lust can be felt towards anybody with a sufficient amount of sexual appeal. Lust is so sensual in it's raw nature of being and can be formed instantly. It is a strong, excessive craving for sexual intimacy that can be difficult to control.
It is probably lust if sex is the main basis of your relationship. Can't keep your hands off each other? Is sex the only thing that you look forward to with this person? It is probably lust. A relationship founded on lust will only last as long as the two people involved are sexually attracted to one another; this can wear off fast.


The Realities of Love at First Sight

How fast can you really size up a partner?

By Helen Fisher, PhD

You walk into a party and head for the bar. Suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink. You begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr. Right. But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast?

Yes. We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her).

Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).

But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.

Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-GurionUniversity in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance.

source : Oprah Magazine


Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Meaning Of Romantic Gifts From Your Lover

If She Gives...

If You Give: A tie
You're Saying: "Your beer-guzzling, frat boy charm has worn off. Please get a real job."

If You Give: Silk boxer shorts
You're Saying: "The less clothing I see you in, the better, stud."

If You Give: A weekend vacation for two
"I like you enough to spend every moment of the entire weekend with you alone. So if you were wondering if this is serious, it is."

If You Give: A sports car modeling kit
You're Saying: "I know that deep down beneath that manly exterior lies a little boy who wants to play. I respect that."

If You Give: Jewelry
You're Saying: "Did I already mention my ring size?"

If You Give: A shirt
You're Saying: "I like your style, but don't you think you'd look better in something like this?"

If You Give: A framed picture of the two of you
You're Saying: "Either wedding bells are about to ring, or I'm psychotic and will definitely stalk you if we break up."

If You Give: Tickets to a hockey game
You're Saying: "Take me to this game and help me learn more about your interests. Take a friend and lose me forever."

If You Give: A best-selling book
You're Saying: "I don't know you that well, but other people liked this, so why shouldn't you?"

If You Give: A handmade sweater
You're Saying: "I'm definite marriage material, if you like the Martha Stewart type."

If He Gives...

If He Gives: A necklace
He's Saying: "I really care about you and want you to think about me every time you wear this."

If He Gives: Lingerie
He's Saying: "I already think you're sexy, but I've fantasized about seeing you in something like this."

If He Gives: A Cuisinart
He's Saying: "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not attracted to you anymore."

If He Gives: A puppy
He's Saying: "I can already visualize the house, the picket fence and the children too."

If He Gives: A sweater
He's Saying: "I've got no imagination and I probably gave the same gift to my mother."

If He Gives: A weekend vacation for two
He's Saying: "I want 48 hours of uninterrupted sex."

If He Gives: A new perfume
He's Saying: "My ex-girlfriend wore what you wear now, so please try this."

If He Gives: A cellular phone
He's Saying: "Either I'm genuinely concerned about your safety or I need to be able to reach you every second of every minute of every day."

If He Gives: A CD you've wanted for months
He's Saying: "I am a good listener and I've got a great memory."

If He Gives: A poem
He's Saying: "I'm a romantic in love. And I'm broke


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Ladies Love Unavailable Men

It seems she’s everywhere. That Girl. She may be eyeing you from across a crowded dance floor while she grinds seductively against her girl friend. She could be your “platonic” friend who seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis, calling for comfort in the wee hours of the morning a little too frequently. Maybe she’s the receptionist at your office or an online friend who wants to be more. There’s just one problem - you already have a girlfriend.

That Girl is the one with designs on stealing you away from your committed relationship and if you aren’t careful, her very presence could cause your happy twosome to come apart at the seams. Sure, you ca think of plenty of ideas to excuse her behavior: she’s just drunk, she’s only a friend, she looks up to me. Despite your justifications, this girl may be hatching schemes to get between you and your partner. If you want to keep your happy home trouble free, it’s helpful to be aware of some of the motivations these girls might have so you can avoid falling into an inappropriate situation.

  • Low Self-esteem

In most cases, the reason these girls go for someone who is already attached is that they have a very low opinion of themselves. Outwardly, she may be acting like she’s God’s gift to everyone else’s boyfriend, but inside she’s just too scared to approach an available guy for fear of getting shot down. If she can’t get in your pants, at least she can blame it on your girl’s presence and not her own qualities (or lack thereof).

  • Idle Time

Some of these girls are simply bored and going to a club to hit on other people’s dates is just part of the fun of a Saturday night. This motivation is usually fairly harmless and rarely carries on longer than the night in question. However, if you start responding to her come-ons, you could have a fight to take home with you. Steer clear of the slutty drunk chick that seems oblivious to the fact that you’re paired up.

  • She Loves Drama

This is a similar motivation to boredom, but more far-reaching. The girls addicted to drama are going to take time to build a foundation of trust with you. This is usually centered on turning to you with some kind of emotional crisis. The most effective way to cement this “support system” is to confide to you the terrible breakup she’s going through with an allegedly abusive guy. If you have even one sensitive bone in your body, you’re going to find it difficult to turn away from a heartbroken girl who has been treated like garbage by a scum bag guy. For the sake of your relationship, take it easy on the all night cry fests. It’s good to be a friend, but your girlfriend is the one that deserves the majority of your emotional support.

  • Father Figure Issues

They say girls seek out mates that are like their fathers. If her father habitually cheated on her mother, or left the family for another woman, she could be repeating this relationship pattern, consciously or unconsciously. Trying to get a guy to stray from his commitment just proves a self-fulfilling prophecy for her. She believes all men will cheat, so she might as well help.

  • Real Feelings

This is less likely to happen in real life than romantic comedies would have you believe. People rarely fall totally in love with someone else’s mate unless the mate is willing to stray. If what she has is a passing crush or a case of puppy love, you don’t have to worry. The infatuation should fade if you make the boundaries clear. However, if her feelings run deeper, you’ll have a more difficult task on your hands. Let her down gently, but make sure she knows how in love with your girlfriend you are. She has to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has no chance of breaking you two up.


How To Overcome Jealousy In Your Relationship

Jealousy is a human emotion that we all instinctively experience at some point in our lives. Jealousy can refer to a strong desire for or envy of someone else’s success, stature, or possessions.

Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.

There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.

Healthy Jealousy

Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one that they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.

Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex, or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.

Destructive Jealousy

Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense, and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you obsessively begin to question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.

If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.

Identify the Root of the Problem

What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.

If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harboring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.

Give yourself a Reality Check

Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.

If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.

Positive Self-Talk

Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can help you boost your confidence.

Seek Reassurance

If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging, or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.

By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.

Get an Objective Opinion

Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, it can help you fully understand the extent of your actions.

A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control and destructive.

Set Boundaries from the Start

Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.

For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ways To Increase Your Love

For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.

A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.

If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.

Talk To Each Other

Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.

Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.

If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.

When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.


Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.

Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.

Be Silly Together

Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.

For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.

Declare Your Independence

Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.

Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.

Cultivate Common Interests

Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.

If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.


True Love Or Fake Love
( How To Know If It Is Real )

Finding out if what you have is true love can be tricky. Feelings must be analyzed before they can be identified for what they truly are. The best way to find out how you really feel about someone is to sit down and dissect the relationship.

Signs Of Not Real Love

Possible signs that it isn't true love is you...

  • think of your partner as absolutely perfect
  • are concerned with your needs first
  • need to spend all your free time with your partner
  • quickly became infatuated with your partner
  • tend to be jealous easily
  • can't come to a compromise after fighting

Signs Of A True Love

Possible signs that what you have may be true love is you...

  • accept your partner and their flaws
  • are concerned with your partner's needs first
  • are comfortable being apart from one another
  • slowly fell for your partner
  • trust your partner completely
  • are able to resolve a fight and grow stronger through it


Signs Of An Attractive Man

Attractiveness doesn't only come as looks. Regardless of how good looking you are, if you don't know what to do, what not to do, what to say, and what not to say, your chance of landing your dream girl is slim to none.

Most often, popular guys are not the ones with celebrity looks, but the ones who have mastered themselves in the art of “true attractiveness.” For those still struggling with what makes men truly attractive to women, I offer some advice.

  • Be Responsible

You are going on a date with your girlfriend, you are driving, and luckily, you get stuck in traffic. Suddenly, you start venting about how everyone should just stay home and not bring their stupid cars out just to jam the street. You complain about how the road system in the city sucks and how you will not be able to make it to the movie on time. What would your girlfriend think of you?

How about using that time to have a conversation about something you haven't spoken about so far? You are the one who initiated the date, so why not try to make the most out of this not-so-pleasant situation?

Instead of venting at everybody, which does nothing more than show how immature you are, start a conversation about the movie you will be seeing that evening. Or, if you have that sense of humour, crack a few jokes, which is totally harmless. Your girlfriend will definitely notice how hard you are trying to lighten up the situation - and she'll enjoy it, too.

  • Be Humble

Every person this planet values humility as one of the greatest human virtues. Women like men who are confident but at the same time, humble. As a society, we sometimes take humility to mean lack of confidence, but humility and confidence can definitely go together. When such a combination is found in a man, a woman will definitely be attracted.

  • Loosen Up

What's even more important than the look is the voice. A Man who has a low tone of voice and relaxed shoulders exudes confidence and appeal to women. They see him as reliable. If you look too strained, even though your portfolio might be stellar, women generally will not find you as attractive.

  • Little Things Matter

Kindness is good, but if kindness is the only thing going for you, you are out of luck. Add a tough side to your kindness and you will boost your score on the popularity scale.

If your girlfriend is struggling with the menu, take the lead and say, “Why don't we try this? It's really good. You will like it.” Don't just sit there and keep asking, “So, what do you want?” There is a difference between rushing her and taking the lead. The latter is a very good thing! You are sure to earn a few extra points.

  • Be An Entertainer

An entertainer doesn't have to be on TV every night. If you have what it takes to make your girlfriend laugh, cry, smile, and frown, then you are her entertainer.
Love must be true and genuine, but just for now, treat your relationship like stage. Think about each scene, where each character is and what they will say. Think about how the play will begin and end. Make her the heroine and you, her prince charming.

Every girl says they want to meet prince charming, and he is character straight out of a story. You may not be prince charming but you can be the closest thing there is.