Love & Lust The Different


Lust is always mistaken as love. Lust is passion. Lust is desire. Lust is therefore not love. It can be difficult for the inexperienced to distinguish between the two emotions. Especially, in the beginning of a relationship when sexual feelings are stronger.

Love
Love is the emotional attachment in a relationship. Love is the sincere feeling of affection and devotion that you have for your partner. It is a deep, profound, and pure emotion that does not sway easily. Love is an emotion that can take years to build up and can only be felt for someone you hold dear.



Lust
And then there is lust. Lust can be felt towards anybody with a sufficient amount of sexual appeal. Lust is so sensual in it's raw nature of being and can be formed instantly. It is a strong, excessive craving for sexual intimacy that can be difficult to control.
It is probably lust if sex is the main basis of your relationship. Can't keep your hands off each other? Is sex the only thing that you look forward to with this person? It is probably lust. A relationship founded on lust will only last as long as the two people involved are sexually attracted to one another; this can wear off fast.

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The Realities of Love at First Sight

How fast can you really size up a partner?

By Helen Fisher, PhD

You walk into a party and head for the bar. Suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink. You begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr. Right. But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast?

Yes. We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her).

Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).

But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.

Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-GurionUniversity in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance.

source : Oprah Magazine

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The Meaning Of Romantic Gifts From Your Lover

If She Gives...

If You Give: A tie
You're Saying: "Your beer-guzzling, frat boy charm has worn off. Please get a real job."

If You Give: Silk boxer shorts
You're Saying: "The less clothing I see you in, the better, stud."

If You Give: A weekend vacation for two
"I like you enough to spend every moment of the entire weekend with you alone. So if you were wondering if this is serious, it is."

If You Give: A sports car modeling kit
You're Saying: "I know that deep down beneath that manly exterior lies a little boy who wants to play. I respect that."

If You Give: Jewelry
You're Saying: "Did I already mention my ring size?"

If You Give: A shirt
You're Saying: "I like your style, but don't you think you'd look better in something like this?"

If You Give: A framed picture of the two of you
You're Saying: "Either wedding bells are about to ring, or I'm psychotic and will definitely stalk you if we break up."

If You Give: Tickets to a hockey game
You're Saying: "Take me to this game and help me learn more about your interests. Take a friend and lose me forever."

If You Give: A best-selling book
You're Saying: "I don't know you that well, but other people liked this, so why shouldn't you?"

If You Give: A handmade sweater
You're Saying: "I'm definite marriage material, if you like the Martha Stewart type."

If He Gives...

If He Gives: A necklace
He's Saying: "I really care about you and want you to think about me every time you wear this."

If He Gives: Lingerie
He's Saying: "I already think you're sexy, but I've fantasized about seeing you in something like this."

If He Gives: A Cuisinart
He's Saying: "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not attracted to you anymore."

If He Gives: A puppy
He's Saying: "I can already visualize the house, the picket fence and the children too."

If He Gives: A sweater
He's Saying: "I've got no imagination and I probably gave the same gift to my mother."

If He Gives: A weekend vacation for two
He's Saying: "I want 48 hours of uninterrupted sex."

If He Gives: A new perfume
He's Saying: "My ex-girlfriend wore what you wear now, so please try this."

If He Gives: A cellular phone
He's Saying: "Either I'm genuinely concerned about your safety or I need to be able to reach you every second of every minute of every day."

If He Gives: A CD you've wanted for months
He's Saying: "I am a good listener and I've got a great memory."

If He Gives: A poem
He's Saying: "I'm a romantic in love. And I'm broke

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Ladies Love Unavailable Men

It seems she’s everywhere. That Girl. She may be eyeing you from across a crowded dance floor while she grinds seductively against her girl friend. She could be your “platonic” friend who seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis, calling for comfort in the wee hours of the morning a little too frequently. Maybe she’s the receptionist at your office or an online friend who wants to be more. There’s just one problem - you already have a girlfriend.

That Girl is the one with designs on stealing you away from your committed relationship and if you aren’t careful, her very presence could cause your happy twosome to come apart at the seams. Sure, you ca think of plenty of ideas to excuse her behavior: she’s just drunk, she’s only a friend, she looks up to me. Despite your justifications, this girl may be hatching schemes to get between you and your partner. If you want to keep your happy home trouble free, it’s helpful to be aware of some of the motivations these girls might have so you can avoid falling into an inappropriate situation.

• Low Self-esteem

In most cases, the reason these girls go for someone who is already attached is that they have a very low opinion of themselves. Outwardly, she may be acting like she’s God’s gift to everyone else’s boyfriend, but inside she’s just too scared to approach an available guy for fear of getting shot down. If she can’t get in your pants, at least she can blame it on your girl’s presence and not her own qualities (or lack thereof).

• Idle Time
  

Some of these girls are simply bored and going to a club to hit on other people’s dates is just part of the fun of a Saturday night. This motivation is usually fairly harmless and rarely carries on longer than the night in question. However, if you start responding to her come-ons, you could have a fight to take home with you. Steer clear of the slutty drunk chick that seems oblivious to the fact that you’re paired up.

• She Loves Drama

This is a similar motivation to boredom, but more far-reaching. The girls addicted to drama are going to take time to build a foundation of trust with you. This is usually centered on turning to you with some kind of emotional crisis. The most effective way to cement this “support system” is to confide to you the terrible breakup she’s going through with an allegedly abusive guy. If you have even one sensitive bone in your body, you’re going to find it difficult to turn away from a heartbroken girl who has been treated like garbage by a scum bag guy. For the sake of your relationship, take it easy on the all night cry fests. It’s good to be a friend, but your girlfriend is the one that deserves the majority of your emotional support.

• Father Figure Issues
  

They say girls seek out mates that are like their fathers. If her father habitually cheated on her mother, or left the family for another woman, she could be repeating this relationship pattern, consciously or unconsciously. Trying to get a guy to stray from his commitment just proves a self-fulfilling prophecy for her. She believes all men will cheat, so she might as well help.

• Real Feelings

This is less likely to happen in real life than romantic comedies would have you believe. People rarely fall totally in love with someone else’s mate unless the mate is willing to stray. If what she has is a passing crush or a case of puppy love, you don’t have to worry. The infatuation should fade if you make the boundaries clear. However, if her feelings run deeper, you’ll have a more difficult task on your hands. Let her down gently, but make sure she knows how in love with your girlfriend you are. She has to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has no chance of breaking you two up.

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How To Overcome Jealousy In Your Relationship


Jealousy is a human emotion that we all instinctively experience at some point in our lives. Jealousy can refer to a strong desire for or envy of someone else’s success, stature, or possessions.

Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.

There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.

Healthy Jealousy

Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one that they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.

Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex, or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.

Destructive Jealousy

Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense, and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you obsessively begin to question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.

If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.

Identify the Root of the Problem

What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.

If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harboring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.

Give yourself a Reality Check

Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.

If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.

Positive Self-Talk

Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can help you boost your confidence.

Seek Reassurance

If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging, or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.

By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.

Get an Objective Opinion

Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, it can help you fully understand the extent of your actions.

A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control and destructive.

Set Boundaries from the Start

Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.

For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings.

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Ways To Increase Your Love

For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.

A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.

If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.

Talk To Each Other

Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.

Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.

If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.

When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.

Flirt

Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.

Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.

Be Silly Together

Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.

For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.

Declare Your Independence

Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.

Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.

Cultivate Common Interests

Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.

If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.

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True Love Or Fake Love

( How To Know If It Is Real )

Finding out if what you have is true love can be tricky. Feelings must be analyzed before they can be identified for what they truly are. The best way to find out how you really feel about someone is to sit down and dissect the relationship.

Signs Of Not Real Love

Possible signs that it isn't true love is you...

• think of your partner as absolutely perfect
• are concerned with your needs first
• need to spend all your free time with your partner
• quickly became infatuated with your partner
• tend to be jealous easily
• can't come to a compromise after fighting

Signs Of A True Love

Possible signs that what you have may be true love is you...

• accept your partner and their flaws
• are concerned with your partner's needs first
• are comfortable being apart from one another
• slowly fell for your partner
• trust your partner completely
• are able to resolve a fight and grow stronger through it

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